Is there There there??

Been wondering whether one can say whether there is there there. Have you been there? When you reach there that’s when you know you that, There, is far from you. Some of us , though thinking that we have been there but once you talk to us , that is when you know that we are far from being there. Can having been there be objectively be defined? I suppose,sometimes, one can have been to a place and believe so, but that person was never there. Maybe one has to say I passed through the place. How much of confidence can we say that we have been there? Yes we can say we have seen it all but have we actually seen everything and being there? Do we understand everything? Are we experienced enough to say we have been there now because we there in the past? So many things are changing BUT not our perceptions that we have been there. Have we been There to say we have been there? What do you say if you think you have seen There in there???

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Once upon a time

Once upon a time I would enjoy doing all sorts of things but they will come a time when you want to derive deeper meaning from the things you have always done, the things you have always taken for granted. These could be attitude, beliefs or plain hobbies. You ask yourself why you have religiously followed the rituals. You tell yourself that you always wanted or liked it or you were just plainly hooked to it. Sometimes you cannot answer that. You are always changing and adapting to life changes and you wonder whether you are probably getting less normal. Everyone, though may see or regard you the way you were yesterday but now you are no longer the same. You are adapting to new challenges and some people may tend to doubt you when you say: I am no longer like that. Nothing to worry about though.

Should I tell him?

I have thought about it and I cannot come to a decision. What is he going to say if he finds out that all along I knew? I am his best friend and he expects me to at least let him know. But this one will definitely deflate his pride, compromise his integrity and my integrity too if I do not tell him. I have had sleepless nights but I cannot decide. If he knew that I knew then that’s the end of our long deep and intimate friendship. Should I destroy that overnight? What about everything that we have cherished and upheld: honesty, loyalty, justice and the truth. The long nights spent discussing nothing but our common interests: astronomy, philosophy, commonsense, our private lives, and all the marks of good breeding.

Suddenly withholding this information would that make a good friend? I know things would never be the same again if he knows. I am caught between a hard rock and a hard surface. All my bodily fluids are being squashed out. My heart is racing and my breathing is slowing down. I have tried to show him that something is wrong and he does not read the danger. Many a time I have been close to telling him but I cannot bring myself to do it. I did not know I was a coward until now. Am I a good friend? So I have been lying to myself all along.

What has to be gained from letting him know. What has to be lost? Will I be able to face him again. He is my only friend, soul mate and rock. He thinks it is me who has a problem. He can sense something is wrong. He is concerned about me. He is trying his best to help me destroy him. I cannot do it. I cannot be the first but I cannot be the second or last either. I hope this thing will come to pass but I must pull the trigger first. What a heavy burden?

My conscience is in a turmoil. Everyone knows. They expect me to tell him. Why is he dump this time? A great problem solver who cannot see the obvious because it affects him. I wish he could just look beyond his long nose. Is it stupidity, faith or blind faith. Nothing adds up. I am in hell and the tongues of flames are leaping towards me in all directions.

I cannot tell you first what the problem is. It would be like I am stabbing him in the back.
I will alcohol-drink until I drop dead and try to-night. The day of deliverance is inevitable.

To hell with what is right and wrong.

The Inner World

You are feeling down and a friend comes from nowhere
He tells you let’s go for a night drive.
To see the neon lights.
You are feeling down and forsaken
And you have lost much self-esteem

The drive that turns out into everything none undesirable
From the music you engage with the past and present
The guitar gently weeps
While you shed a tear of belonging to the world gone by
You become part of the flow uphill and downhill
Like a fish you have to swim up-flow to spawn

You get lost in the flood
But you do not give a damn
You enjoy every second
Every minute.

Old memories come back to haunt you
You get into your inner world
And hope you could cling to that forever
Your body and soul rock to the old rhythm

Time does not seem to exist;
Dilated
Yesterday was better but insipid
And today is inspiring
Today gives you much to look for the future

Thanks Peter for the plugin.

Fading away like a shadow


I used to regard some friendships highly but to be disappointed along the way when the relationship becomes a one way street. You have to be there for them. You have to sacrifice for them in any form but when you really need them More

A letter from me to me

I have been waiting for your letter for the past week but More

What is a good game?

With the International Cricket Council World Cup, [ICC] going on In India I have enjoyed some good Cricket games. I support any good side so you can see that I am not fanatical but a true “gentleman”.

One can judge what a good game is? For different More

Handwritten letter

Never thought I would derive More

Blasts from the past

Do you remember those days. Those days we had the gramophone and the polyvinyl records in use. The years and days where magnetic tapes used to be rule.The years when music was real and played by humans not by machines. We later had Cd’s and never thought we could re-record on them. Who would have thought we could just easily burn or rip music. The days when the majority of us had song books and knowing the latest lyrics the in-thing. People were not bothered to remember simple equations like Ohms’s law in Physics but people would remember BOB Marley’s Buffalo Soldier. By then reggae was the in-thing and who knew it was like ice cream and would whet your appetite for less than a decade only. How time change.

Then came ragga that killed my interest for reggae and new music. Musicians would sing so fast and explicitly nude and the youth would enjoy that. The beat was for me subjectively monotonous and boring. You know when you slowly get old you lose the zeal of youth and new.

By then hard rock was still the “thing”. Phrases like Heavy metallic rock were being used to describe the head-banging type of music. But this rock was not as intense as the AC/ DC with Highway to Hell type or the Pink Floyd. Those who were refined would talk about White Snake, Dire Straits with Mark and David Knoppler at the helm.
Eric Clapton and the then fading Santana were great then with their guitars gently weeping. Fred Mercury would keep you on your toes with “Another One Bites the Dust”. It was time for Christmas when Brian May would strum his “banjo” and the Band Queen would rock you until you sweat. And a boy called Boy George fronting Culture club was great then with Karma Chameleon. George Michael and his Wham guys. I remember Madonna doing her Holiday song and how we all would try to jump out of our skins with delight. A group called Third World had managed to fuse their reggae with funk. I can hear the words: ” In hunger I will feed you with my love…Try Try yaaa Jah love..”. UB40 serving their REd REd Wine after dinner.

The days of Nirvana “Smelling like a Teen Spirit”. But some of our seniors would talk about Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin with their Stairway to Heaven journey but we did not seem to care much. We would say it was all nostalgia, them failing to fit in our time. It was all about us and now, never the past. We wanted something light and different but we were at the same time caught between the worlds of timeless music. The Eagles with,how lovely Hotel California was and how the long the Road out of Eden was. There was this guy they called Prince and how the ladies adored him. Did they really love him? Then the group Foreigner would tell us how far they had traveled looking for that elusive thing called LOVE

We were young and would fantasize about love.
Bad Company with the song:” Feel like making love” would make our hearts race, with the hormones spiking and surging above normal. At boarding school one would hear someone sing whenever they took a shower.

Sing along:

Darling, Don’t live without you
And your love
If I have
Those golden dreams
Of my yesterday
I would wrap you
In the heaven
Till I’m dying
On the way
Feel like making — — — —
Feel like making love
Feel like making love to you
Baby, If I think about you
I think about love
Darling, If I live without you
I live without love
And if I had
The sun and moon
And they were shining
I would give you
Both night and day
Love satisfying

OR the shooting star song

Johnny was a school boy when he heard his first Beatles song
Love Me Do, I think it was and from there it didn’t take him long
Got himself a guitar, used to play every night
Now he’s in a rock & roll outfit, and everything’s all right

Don’t you know?

Johnny told his Momma, Hey Momma I’m goin’ away
I’m gonna hit the big time, gonna be a big star someday
Momma came to the door with a tear drop in her eye
Johnny said, Don’t cry Momma smile & wave goodbye

Don’t you know, yeah, yeah
Don’t you know that you are a shooting star
Don’t you know, don’t you know
Don’t you know that you are a shooting star
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are

Johnny made a record, went straight up to number one
Suddenly everyone loved to hear him sing the song
Watching the world go by, surprisin’ it goes so fast
Johnny looked around him and said, Well, I made the big time at
last

Don’t you know, don’t you know
Don’t you know that you are a shooting star
Don’t you know, woah yeah
Don’t you know that you are a shooting star, yeah
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are, a shooting star

Don’t you know that you are a shooting star
Don’t you know, ahhh
Don’t you know that you are a shooting star
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are

Johnny died one night, died in his bed
Bottle of whiskey, sleepin’ tablets by his head
Johnny’s life passed him by like a warm summer day
If you listen to the wind, you can still hear him play

Woah…
Don’t you know that you are a shooting star
Don’t you know, don’t you know
Don’t you know that you are a shooting star
Don’t you know
Don’t you know that you are a shooting star
Don’t you, don’t you, don’t you, don’t you, don’t you know
Don’t you know you are a shooting star

I play these lyrics to go back in time to those days when TIME and growing had different meanings.
When was that anyway?????

Ducks, Fours and Sixes

I suppose we talk to our inner-selves but we do it differently. More

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